Anxiously Engaged........

My 2 older kids have been involved in a super fun Drama Camp through the last couple of weeks. Tonight they will debut the play that they have been working on for so long and with so much diligence.
As I went to pick them up from their cast party today, I watched the Choreographer mingle with the kids, and I was so thankful for her sacrifice. She has 3 little ones, and I am CERTAIN she is putting in several of her own hours unpaid to make sure that these kids have a positive experience.
Being "Anxiously Engaged In A Good Cause" can be so multi-faceted.
Watching her caused me to reflect on my own experience with the dance studio that I run. Sometimes you wonder if things like this are worth all of the work. HOWEVER........I was humbly reminded today how important these sacrifices are in the lives of the children who are touched by these experiences. At that moment, I became grateful (as I have SO MANY times before) for the opportunity that being anxiously engaged in a good cause gives me to be involved in the lives of Heavenly Father's precious youth. I am also so thankful for those that do the same, that my children may also benefit from such sacrifices.

A Power Bigger Than Us............

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"And all these gifts come from God, for the benefit of the children of God" (D&C 46:26)

Lessons Learned

After I have my babies, I have a horrible time with anxiety. I never have depression, just ridiculous amounts of anxiety. I constantly dwell on the "what if's" in life for a few months after my babies are born. What if my baby dies of SIDS? What if one of my other kids gets in a car accident? What if one of my kids gets kidnapped? I try to constantly remind myself that these "What If's" have always existed, and that I have never let them bother me to this degree before. I also try to optimistically remind myself that life's odds are in my favor that my baby won't die of SIDS, and that my older kids will not die in a car accident or get kidnapped. These optimistic reassurances help, but only temporarily.
From what I have gathered, my feelings are fairly normal. Although this isn't something that I really realized other new moms also struggle with until this time. Now being a nurse, I have tried to find "logical explanations" for these feelings. Maybe it's a hormonal thing related to pregnancy and nursing hormones that dissipates over time. Maybe it's nature's way of ensuring that we care enough to properly care for these new little people. While I do actually think that these facets are tied into these temporary feelings experienced by many new moms, I have learned a very spiritual lesson this time around.
I asked Josh to give me a blessing a few weeks ago. This helped SO MUCH, but I still struggled with these feelings at times. So, each and every single time I prayed, I began asking Heavenly Father to help me with this extreme anxiety. Since my anxiety is primarily related to something catastrophic happening to one of my children, I also spent a fair amount of time praying that Heavenly Father would keep us all physically and spiritually safe through the course of the day.
Last Friday, I said my usual prayers. I asked Heavenly Father to help with my anxiety, and to keep my kids safe like I always requested of him. However, then, almost without even realizing it, I found I was praying for something I had never prayed about until that day. After telling Heavenly Father how thankful I was for my children and Husband, and pleading with him to keep them safe (like I always do), I realized that I had then told Heavenly Father that I would want for more than anything to always have my children with me here on Earth. I then proceeded to tell him that although this is what I want, that his will is the most important thing for me to fulfill in this life, and if it ever came to a point that his will was different than what I was praying for, that I would understand, have faith, and be obedient and loving to my Heavenly Father that knows what is best for me far more than I know what is best for myself.
When I realized that I had turned such a direction in my prayer, I almost became fearful for a moment. In my head I feared that somehow saying these things was like I was granting permission for something horrible to happen to one of us. However, having faith that there must be a reason I went such a direction, I simply closed my prayer, having faith that Heavenly Father has always taken care of me, and that he would continue to do so.
It has been 5 days since that prayer. Guess what has not happened? Nobody has had a horrible accident, and we are in fact, all still alive and well. Yet, profoundly, guess what has happened? My anxiety is gone COMPLETELY. I am back to my normal self. However, it wasn't until this morning that I linked that prayer and my sudden improvement.
This whole weekend, I just kept thinking to myself  "I am so glad I'm feeling better. My little guy is 3 months old now, and whatever caused this anxiety must be dissipating". I was relieved to be back to my "normal self". Today, as I was saying my morning prayers, I learned something profound. The spirit of the Holy Ghost confirmed to me that it was not coincidence that I began feeling better on Friday. Yet, that this improvement was tied to my prayer being answered. Yet, Heavenly Father didn't answer when it was simply selfishly motivated. He answered my prayer when I was willing to have a less than desirable outcome for myself, if this was in fact, Heavenly Father's will for me.
This little miracle in my life caused me to reflect on the Old Testament story of Abraham and Isaac. I have often thought why this experience even had to take place. But, it is amazing how our little ones can teach us things that we can learn in no other way. Thankfully for me, my lesson came from rather small experiences in relation to the confusion, anxiety, and worry Abraham must have experienced. However, as he was obedient, he was then blessed with the promise that his descendants would be as numerous as the stars of Heaven and as the sand on the seashore. How would the plan have been thwarted if Abraham had not had the faith to obey? To submit to the will of Heavenly Father NO MATTER WHAT? Heavenly Father gave us all that we have. Our greatest gift given from him is our family. We cannot think that we can somehow ever change his will by refusing to share what he already gave us (considering that he ever needs this to be the case). Obviously, in the story of Abraham and Isaac, Heavenly Father was never intending on taking Isaac back with him. Instead, he had TREMENDOUS blessings to give to Abraham, but only after he knew that his faith and obedience exceeded anything that Abraham may desire for himself.
It was on my knees today that I realized the real peace came when I was willing to do whatever was necessary (if needed) to submit to my Heavenly Father's will. What do we have to feel turmoil about if we know that we have committed ourselves WHOLLY AND COMPLETELY to Heavenly Father, our Savior, and their will for us? When we understand this and apply it in our lives, we will feel peace that we have never felt before and experience blessings that Heavenly Father knows we are prepared to receive.

Mormon Message of the Week:Watch Your Step

As I was driving today, I felt the spirit strongly as I thought about how important it is to our Heavenly Father for us to be happy. We are even told in Alma, that "Men are that they might have joy". As I came home and thought about today's post, I was reminded about how many excellent Mormon Messages touch on subjects and convey them in a way that touches right to the core of the soul. My family is what makes me happier than anything on this Earth. I love the message portrayed in this clip, and feel strongly that we need to do all in our power to preserve the happiness within our family units.

Pride

When using criteria to base what would be my most important daily spiritual experience to post about, I generally go with the first experience I have each day that brings tears to my eyes because of the spiritual feelings that have came with each experience. Today's post is simple, but fits that criteria, so it's what I went with.
Tonight we went to the rodeo for the Days of 47 celebration. Before it started, they, of course sang the National Anthem. But they also did a flag presentation beforehand that focused on all of the wars and trying experiences "Old Glory" has been through since her inception.
Through this detailed and dramatic reading, I felt thankful and full hearted for all that I have here in this free and beautiful country.

Sun. July 24th: That We May Always Have His Spirit To Be With Us

My whole last year of nursing school, I struggled a bit when I thought about the fact that I had chosen a profession where it would be required of me to work sometimes on Sundays. That's just how nursing is. Although, it is hard to leave my family on these work days (I always cry on Sunday mornings while I'm driving to work), I have learned some good "Sunday" lessons at my places of employment. I came to realize that the places I work are places where people are currently living. They, also, would most likely rather not be there on a Sunday. Because no one is doing anything to chase the spirit away, and because it is where these people are living (at least temporarily), there is actually a very special spirit on the Sabbath Day surrounding those who are currently suffering physically or spiritually.
Luckily, with careful planning of my day, I almost always have the opportunity to take the sacrament at work on Sundays. Thankfully, I had that opportunity today. It was the shortest sacrament meeting I have ever been to. It consisted of: a scripture read out of 1st Nephi, blessing and partaking of the bread and water, and an invitation for those who desired, to stay and receive a blessing of healing. Working in mental health, I often think about what these types of gospel blessings could do to heal so many of these broken spirits.
As short as this service was, the spirit was so strong. I was so thankful to have the opportunity to take the sacrament. This is the one thing I miss the VERY MOST when I do have to work on Sundays. First of all, I feel so strongly the strength that I receive through the upcoming week when I renew my covenants by partaking of the sacrament on Sunday. Secondly, no matter how much I spiritually prepare myself every other day of the week, there is absolutely nothing I can do to bring myself the blessings that come along with taking the sacrament each and every week. The power behind this privilege is one that brings us closer to our Savior. I am so thankful to be gifted the promise of always having his spirit to be with me every day predicated upon my own worthiness and actions.

Choices

"We are free to make our own choices in this life. However, we are not free from the consequences that come as a result of those choices".
I recently began working in an inpatient psych unit. We also have a section of the floor for detox patients. I watch some of these patients, and my heart aches for them as I realize that they are all someone's children here on Earth. More importantly (and more sad), they are also ALL children of Heavenly Father, my literal brothers and sisters. That simple gospel principle hits pretty hard to the core often times with some of the things I see.
Many of the patients in detox have chosen (at some point) the path that they now walk everyday. It makes me reflect on 2 things:
1. Why did they choose this path in the 1st place?
2. Will they EVER be able to conquer these demons during their life on Earth, or will their peace come after this life when they can be free from the bondage that came as a result of some choices made with poor insight and judgement?
I find myself asking why, why WHY? Sometimes so much that I could drive myself crazy. My comfort comes in knowing that their comfort will one day come from the tremendous miracle of the atonement:
"It will comfort us when we must wait in distress for the Savior's promised relief that He knows, from experience, how to heal and help us.....And faith in that power will give us patience as we pray and work and wait for help". (President Henry B Eyring)

Unfortunately, the answers do not all come right now. Those unresolved issues are an elemental part of our mortal test. However, the good news of the gospel is that the atonement is available on so many levels for all of God's children, if they will just start with the tinniest particle of faith and invite the Savior into their life.

Remember Their Greatness

 July 22nd.....The beginning of a long weekend in Utah as we all reflect on the Pioneer Latter Day saints that arrived in the Salt Lake Valley in 1847. What does that have to do with this cute little guy pictured above?  Exactly 3 months ago today, he entered this earth life with all of the blessings that go along with modern medicine, as well as all of the blessings that go along with modern day society in general.
Now look at this obituary below (which I still cannot believe I found in Google image):

Here's her humbling birth story that took place with the traveling pioneers of the Willie and Martin handcart company: "Snow deep and very cold.....so cold that we could not move.......Thermometer 11 degrees below zero.....so cold the people could not travel.

Life saving supplies were distributed to the stranded saints, but in spite of all the rescuers could do, many were laid to rest by the wayside.

As the rescued Saints were traversing through a portion of the trail through Echo Canyon, several wagons pulled off to assist in the arrival of a baby girl. (A man) noticed the young mother did not have enough clothing to keep her newborn infant warm. In spite of the freezing temperatures, he took off his own homespun shirt and gave it to the mother to wrap the baby. The child was given the name Echo-Echo Squires- as a remembrance of the place and circumstances of her birth"

What a tremendous blessing it is for us to humble ourselves and reflect on the sacrifices made by those that came before us to allow us the freedom to worship the way we choose without persecution or dictatorship. Through this Pioneer Day Weekend, I am humbled as I reflect upon those who sacrificed so much to give us so very much.

(Story of Echo Squire borrowed from LDS April 2011 General Conference talk from Bishop H. David Burton; The Sanctifying Work of Welfare) 

He gave me my ears that I might hear........

***Click on black screen above to activate playing of this video
It didn't take me too long to find my spiritual experience to blog about today (or to have tears running down my cheeks as I watched the above video on the morning news). A few personal experiences currently VERY close to my heart allowed this video to touch my spirit in a few very teachable and humbling ways:
First of all, I have my own little guy: 3 months old tomorrow, my first son! Their smiles seem to radiate the Heavenly messages that they are bursting to tell us, if only they could form words with their precious voices. I can relate so vividly to the sacredness of this little Man smiling in response to his Mother's voice (for the very first time).
I am also an RN. Almost every time I work a shift at the hospital, I am blown away at the resources we have to save lives, transplant working organs, cure cancer, restore eyesight, renew brain function, etc, etc, etc......
However long ago in school, I came to the realization of how much Heavenly Father's hand is lovingly involved in each of these miracles that take place in these mortal shells that house our immortal spirits. This video speaks that message to my soul. Through the miracle of modern medicine (so lovingly gifted to us by our Heavenly Father), he gave this little boy ears (in a way a little different than most of us have received this gift), to hear the unconditional love in his Mother's voice, amongst other magical and enjoyable sounds.